


어떻게 좀 해줘요 (i can't stop loving you)

by 1stwins



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hiding Feelings, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is Whipped, Light Angst, M/M, at least i think..., donghyuck is injured, jaemin is cupid tbh, renhyuck nation I'm here to feed you, renjun as he who shall not be named, so basically renhyuck are babey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 06:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1stwins/pseuds/1stwins
Summary: Donghyuck had thought that the distance would make him lose his feelings for the boy, but it's only seeming to do the opposite. He’s all Donghyuck can think about, and it’s beginning to make him sick. It was cute and innocent at first, but now it’s starting to kinda hurt his feelings. Mainly because the two of them were close friends, and so he’s been checking up on Donghyuck constantly.Or, Donghyuck tries to hide his feelings for Renjun because he thought it would be for the best. He learns that he's wrong.





	어떻게 좀 해줘요 (i can't stop loving you)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first work on here that i'm actually kinda proud of? i worked really hard on it and i've been so excited to post something on here again. it might totally suck but i'm just happy i finished it ! maybe leave feedback or kudos if you liked it?? i hope you enjoy ~ 
> 
> title from i'm serious by day6

The current situation was delicate. 

 

Okay, maybe it wasn’t, but Donghyuck was handling it that way anyways. 

 

He just knew about the consequences he would face if this got out, and he wasn’t about to let it happen. Something as stupid as his feelings getting in the way of his career? Donghyuck would be damned. He’d given up everything to be an idol. He even went as far as dropping out of school to focus on his career. He just knew this was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He’d put in long, restless nights in the practice room for this. He’d sang and sang until he strained his voice for this. He’d even gotten an injury for this! The stage was his home, dancing and singing were his passions, and his fans had become his everything. His everything besides him, of course.

 

In a way, this was all Donghyuck’s fault. He’d allowed himself to catch feelings. He saw it happening and did nothing about it because he was selfish and liked the feeling of it, liked the idea of allowing himself to fall for someone. Even though it was forbidden. He knew that, and he’d set himself up. He had no one to blame but himself, but he couldn’t help it. He really couldn't. He wished there was a way to hold the tiny boy with deep brown eyes and a tongue almost as sharp as his own accountable, but there was none. He didn’t even know about all this! Donghyuck hadn’t told anyone, and he wasn’t planning on doing so either. He’d have to keep this between himself and his pillow if it left his room his career was on the line.

 

Luckily (and unfortunately), Donghyuck had injured his leg, making him bedridden, and keeping him from having to have human interaction with that many people. Especially him. Of course, Donghyuck was sad about this though. He’d missed a lot of performances, and a lot of his fans were missing him right now. He also hasn’t been able to dance properly. He's been becoming bored often. But the good news: he’s healing at a steady rate! So, he should be out of his cast a little ahead of when they’d planned for him. Although, Donghyuck is in no rush. He knew getting out of his cast meant moving back into the dorms and moving back into the dorms meant seeing him and living with him again, and Donghyuck was not ready for that.

 

It’s even sadder because Donghyuck had thought that the distance would make him lose his feelings for the boy, but it's only seeming to do the opposite. He’s all Donghyuck can think about, and it’s beginning to make him sick. It was cute and innocent at first, but now it’s starting to kinda hurt his feelings. Mainly because the two of them were close friends, and so he’s been checking up on Donghyuck constantly. Sending him cute texts and wanting to facetime Donghyuck whenever he’s free. It’s gotten to the point where Donghyuck stares at his screen sometimes when he gets the facetime notification, knowing that he shouldn’t pick up because he’s only adding fuel to the fire in his chest. 

 

The bedridden boy knows he can’t hide this forever, that’s why he’s hoping this little crush of his goes away before his leg heals, otherwise, he’ll be in big trouble. Thinking of the consequences of anyone finding out about his feelings scares Donghyuck more than anything. He’s worked so hard on his idol image, on building his reputation and fanbase, and this would probably ruin it all. He’s even afraid to tell the members because he knows they’re just going to run back and tell him. Or tease him about it in front of him until he gets the hint (which wouldn’t take long, one of the things Donghyuck loved about him was his quick wit). 

 

The biggest thing that Donghyuck was afraid of was his feelings not being reciprocated. Call him a big baby, but the thought of being so head over heels for someone and them not feeling a fraction of the same way about him is nothing short of terrifying to him. He doesn’t think he would know what to do if he found out and then told Donghyuck he didn’t feel the same. Not to mention how screwed their group dynamics would be and how the fans would start picking up on it. Donghyuck just didn’t need it getting out to anyone, and he was going to take these next few weeks on bed rest to get over his feelings and start thinking of him as a friend again. That’s all they could ever be. 

__

Donghyuck’s cast would be off next week, so he was at the company building going over some choreography that Dream would perform for their next concert. With Mark leaving they still had some things to tweak, and the dance instructor was also advised to change anything they could to give Donghyuck an easier time, as his cast was just being removed. Donghyuck’s car had arrived earlier to the building, so he was lounging around in one of the back rooms, scrolling on his phone while he waited for practice time to roll around.

“Hey stranger,” Donghyuck didn’t even have to look up to know who that voice belonged to. How he had found him when he’d let no one know he had arrived yet? Donghyuck had absolutely no idea. He was convinced this was the evil-doing of whatever godly forces there were, and they were definitely conspiring against him. 

“Um, hey?” Donghyuck wanted to cringe at how awkward he sounded. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole right at that moment. Lee Donghyuck was never awkward, especially not in front of him, he needed to get it together or he’d begin to become suspicious of him. 

He furrowed his eyebrows at him questioningly before plopping himself down next to Donghyuck, inviting himself to the spot next to him. It's not like Donghyuck had a problem with it. They'd always sat next to each other, this wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. Donghyuck's brain was just making everything weird. 

Donghyuck stole a quick, discreet look at him. He was wearing black sweats with a black shirt and beanie, sneakers black as well. He felt like crying. He hadn't seen him in person in so long, and now with him being at such close proximity, he didn't know what to do with himself. He wanted so badly to touch him, to reach his hand out, or close the distance between them. He was right there, nothing was stopping him. 

But something was stopping him.

The rational part of his brain. 

They'd barely greeted each other, and Donghyuck was already all in his head about the situation, how the hell was he going to survive through practice? And if they wanted to hang out after? (Which they would, Donghyuck knew his friends). 

"It's only been some weeks, but you seem distant. I don't know if it's something I did, but I miss you, Hyuck," Donghyuck felt like crying, again. Twice in three minutes, this was looking lovely for him so far. 

The fact that he'd blamed himself and assumed Donghyuck’s behavior was his fault. (Maybe it somewhat was his fault, but he didn’t do anything bad. He’d been himself like normal, Donghyuck had just begun to find him cutely endearing...among other things). Donghyuck was hurt. This was all his fault, and he knew it. He’d been trying to ignore his feelings and ended up ignoring the person he loved so much in the process. How could he explain this without exposing himself?

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm still the same. I guess I missed you too? I missed all of you guys, honestly. I’m sorry if I seem distant I just…”, He trails off, having looked into his eyes and losing his train of thought. Had he been staring at Donghyuck this whole time? If so he never noticed. When did they start sitting so close? Like..he could almost reach out... and…

An alarm goes off. 

11:30am.

Practice time.

“Um, we should go to the practice room?”, He scratches his head cutely, rising from the mini couch quickly and looking away.

“Yeah, the practice room,” Donghyuck is back to wanting the floor to open up and eat him whole.

__

Dance practice was surprisingly fun. No more mishaps, to Donghyuck’s delight, and Jaemin proposing that Donghyuck go back to the dorms with them for the night. Apparently, there was this R rated movie that had come out a few weeks ago that they wanted to watch, but they were waiting for Donghyuck so they could watch it together. (He’d gotten upset when they saw the first R rated movie without him). The children were to be made to go to bed and not watch with them, of course (Doyoung’s orders). And Mark was currently away with 127 on tour so he wouldn’t be joining either. It was an 00 line only event. 

Donghyuck was wary about accepting at first, due to the delicate situation. He was even about to decline and make something up about wanting to go home and get more rest. However, Jaemin started giving him that Jaemin smile and Jeno started pouting at him and he had to go and pull out the puppy dog eyes, Donghyuck had no choice but to agree. 

So, that’s how Donghyuck found himself back at the dream dorms, cast still on his leg and a furrow in his brow while he waited for him and Jeno to bring snacks from the kitchen. 

“You know, I wasn’t going to say anything because I figured you always have things under control. I thought you’d do something about it, you know? But you’re really being such a coward, Hyuck. I don’t know about the others, but to me, it’s quite obvious how you’re feeling. You need to do something,” Donghyuck couldn’t believe his ears. He’d come here for a movie and a nice night, not a lecture.

“Is this why you invited me over, Na Jaemin? Because if so we could’ve had this conversation elsewhere. Preferably somewhere that he wasn’t in such close proximity, you know?”

Donghyuck was whisper-yelling, terribly afraid of being overheard and found out. Sure, he knew he would probably have to come to terms with things and confront him if his feelings didn’t go away, but he was hoping they went away before he went and did something like that! Donghyuck was somewhat embarrassed, as he felt like he was getting the situation under control... slightly...okay, he wasn’t. Maybe he was a coward.

“You don’t even say his name anymore. You’re absolutely head over heels, and you hate it. You want to push your feelings away because you think that’ll be easier than confrontation. But it’s okay. Opening up about how you feel is okay, and it’ll make you feel better. Even if you get rejected, at least you’re not keeping such a big thing bottled up. Lying and keeping things away from people ruins relationships, especially with us, Hyuck. You just need to be honest. At least say his name. Please,” and it was in Jaemin’s eyes, in the way he was looking at him with such earnest. It made Donghyuck trust him on this.

Donghyuck hadn’t realized it at first, the way he was no longer saying his name. He’d slipped into simply referring to him as he or him as a way of coping. It’s pathetic, but it actually helped him with ignoring him and not being as needy. Usually, when you miss someone, you think of their name constantly. A person’s name is linked to their smile, their face, their favorite things, things that make you think of them in general. It became absolutely sickening for Donghyuck because he was so consumed in his own feelings and love that he was losing focus. He was a distraction. Donghyuck had to stop loving him because no good would come from it. It would only end in his heart being broken one way or another, and since there’s no way they could be together he should just keep his feelings to himself. Or so he thought.

As much as it pained Donghyuck, Jaemin was right. He shouldn’t hide his feelings and it’s bad for him and he knows this. He just thought it would be easier and for the better. He wanted to push the whole situation to the back of his brain, and pretend like he still saw his friend as just a friend and he wasn’t completely infatuated with him. He realizes it was somewhat selfish of him to keep this from him because he’d been ignoring him and being an awful friend and he deserved to know why. He deserved the truth, and Donghyuck felt like giving it to him.

Renjun. 

Huang Renjun.

Donghyuck’s everything. His best friend, and his biggest love. Donghyuck was sure he loved every single thing about him. From the way he sang and danced to his smile, and laugh and the way his voice sounded when they used to talk to each other late at night in the dorms, in a soft whisper, cuddled close together. Donghyuck has known him for years and he’s sure he’s always loved him. He just didn’t really know it until it hit him like a wave, crashing against a shore or like a hurricane, washing over everything in its way. Huang Renjun was a storm, and Lee Donghyuck was merely a leaf on a branch of a tree. How could he not fall for him? How could he not fall for someone so charming and witty and funny and beautiful and kind and wise all in one? It would be harder to not fall for him, loving him was easy. It was so easy that Donghyuck didn’t even realize he was in love until he was too far gone. 

But it’s not like Donghyuck would want it any other way. 

“Renjun,” he says the name in a whisper, looking at Jaemin with a look that can only be described as heart eyes. 

“Donghyuck?”, he does a double take. Renjun was looking at him with something akin to absolute wonder in his eyes. Had it really been that long since he’d said his name? How obvious had Donghyuck been this whole time about his feelings?

Donghyuck can only muster up a small smile at the brunette boy, moving over on the couch and patting the space next to him for Renjun to sit. Renjun smiles at him as he sits beside him, passing Donghyuck some popcorn. Jeno sits down next to Jaemin and they start the movie. 

-  
If you asked Donghyuck what the movie was about, he wouldn’t be able to tell you. He wasn’t even sure if he remembered the title. After Renjun started holding his hand (which was before the opening credits could even finish, by the way) he completely spaced out. 

The movie was over now, and Jaemin and Jeno were talking animatedly about the plot. Donghyuck looks over at Renjun, and he’s already looking at him. Donghyuck pretends that he doesn’t feel his face get hot. 

“What are you thinking about?” And now Donghyuck is even redder because Renjun definitely knew that he wasn’t paying any attention to the movie.

“We need to talk. In private.” Donghyuck hopes his gaze conveys his urgency. 

Renjun cocks an eyebrow at him, “Right now?,” and Donghyuck nods because he knows if he holds this off any longer he won’t be able to confront him about this. He wouldn’t have half as much courage at a later date either since he spent the majority of the movie thinking of what to say and how to exactly word this to him. “Yeah so, I’ve loved you forever” probably wasn’t going to cut it. 

Renjun returns the nod and stands from the couch, dragging Donghyuck along with him by the hand he was holding. 

“We’re going to bed early you guys, goodnight,” Renjun says as they leave the living room. Donghyuck hears Jaemin and Jeno chorus a goodnight back, and he turns around to see Jaemin giving him a reassuring smile, almost as if he were saying you got this!

Renjun drags them back to their shared room and closes the door behind them. Donghyuck takes a look around, things were far tidier than he ever remembered, but his bed looked a little messy. Strange.

Renjun sits on his bed and Donghyuck follows, sitting a safe distance across from him. They’re making eye contact. Donghyuck wants to look away but he doesn’t. 

“This is really important, Renjun. I wasn’t going to tell you this because I was really worried, but Jaemin convinced me. First, I want to apologize for being such a bad friend. I was ignoring you and avoiding you a lot. Even if I was resting you didn’t deserve that, and definitely not as much as I started to do it. It wasn’t really because I was sleeping, I actually was trying to get away from you. And that’s such a dick move, I know. But I have a reason, a real reason. You’re like an enigma to me. You were, I mean. And then as I go to know you, you slowly started to unravel. It was like puzzle pieces were fitting together. And this puzzle, it was just utterly fascinating to me. I loved learning about you, hanging out with you, making memories with you. You were slowly starting to make more sense. And as I got to know you more I…,” Donghyuck struggles with saying it, he’s afraid. Renjun has his full attention on him and he can’t read his expression, ”I fell for you. I fell deeper and deeper into you and your charms and your habits and everything that is you. I just wanted to be with you more than anything. In your presence, in the same room as you. I was getting really clingy. I noticed that my feelings for you were becoming more than friendly, and I couldn’t even remember when the lines had started blurring. I was in love. I had been in love for a long time, and I was realizing that. I still am in love,” Donghyuck looks up at Renjun and his eyes are watering. He’s worried, but when Renjun says nothing he decides he should go on and further explain.

“I knew that things were going to be hard. There are so many conflicts and hardships with idols dating, let alone that being in the same group. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, I didn’t want to have to deal with rejection. I didn’t want to lose anything, and I was so afraid of the thought of it. I was pessimistic, I admit it. Some things that I was thinking were just for the sake of me not telling you, but some of them are still true. I was just worried, and I didn’t want to get hurt. So I started isolating myself. This was also around the time that I got injured. I thought that if I didn’t think about you or talk with you or spend time with you then my feelings would go away, but that wasn’t the case. I saw all the notifications. All the goodnight and good morning texts, and the facetime requests. I was avoiding you because you’d consumed my thoughts to the point of me getting distracted before. I thought you were bad for me, but you were just being a good friend. And for that, I’m so sorry, from the bottom of my heart. And I’m sorry for not telling you about my feelings sooner. Jaemin told me it would ruin our relationship if I didn’t tell you and I was so worried about our group dynamics and the fans and I understand if you don’t forgive m-,”

He’s cut off by soft lips, and he’s in a state of shock. Renjun’s lips don’t move, they’re just pressed up against his lightly, and that makes Donghyuck sad. After a few seconds, a chaste kiss is pressed against his lips, and Donghyuck moves to lengthen the kiss. Their lips are moving against each other softly, almost sweet. Renjun is the one who pulls away. 

“You needed to shut up,” Renjun smiles at him softly, faces just a few centimeters apart and his eyes looking straight into Donghyuck’s. Their noses are nearly touching. 

“Lee Donghyuck, I’m literally so in love with you. I don’t know how you didn’t catch on sooner. I thought I was being too obvious and you’d started ignoring me because you didn’t feel the same way. I’ve loved you ever since we met, and that sounds crazy but your first impression was lovely. I really wanted you to like me. I’m literally so crazy about you. You know how we used to always cuddle? Those were the best nights of sleep I’ve gotten in my whole life. I’ve been sleeping in your bed because I’ve missed you so much. I cried myself to sleep a few times because I thought I really ruined things between us. I thought you’d figured it out somehow and you were disgusted with me. I even confided in Jaemin, and you know I hate talking romance with him. I thought I didn’t deserve you, you know? Because you’re so cool and you’re an enigma! But I know you. I’ve solved a puzzle of my own. I know you’ve shown me the rawest, purest forms of yourself and that makes me love you even more because I know you hate opening up to people. I want to be with you, and I mean it,” if Donghyuck was going to cry in the waiting room earlier, he was about to start sobbing uncontrollably now. 

Was this real life? This wasn’t a prank? A scam? 

Huang Renjun, his everything, had just said that he wants to be with him? He was dreaming and he needed to wake up because this was too cruel. 

“Pinch me, I don’t believe it,” Renjun rolls his eyes, a bigger smile forming on his lips. Pretty pink lips. Donghyuck wanted another kiss. 

“I’m being for real, Lee Donghyuck. I’m not going to pinch you.”

A beat passes, silence ensues. They’re both just looking at each other. Big, stupid grins on their faces. Donghyuck can feel the way Renjun’s fingers are lightly threading through his hair, there’s no way this is a dream. This is real. 

“Let’s cuddle,” Donghyuck suggests, breaking the comfortable silence.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

And so they reposition themselves on Renjun’s bed into a cuddling position. Renjun is the big spoon and Donghyuck is the little spoon. They lay there for a while and even though he’s completely comfortable, Donghyuck is way too happy to fall asleep. He’s practically thrumming with excitement. The boy he loves the most in the world loves him back. That’s all that matters. 

“Hey Renjun, can I have another kiss?” 

Renjun hums and Donghyuck turns over with a smile, melting into Renjun’s arms as the other boy pulls him closer. Renjun’s just smiling at him for a second, then he leans forward to give him an Eskimo kiss before connecting their lips once again. It’s just as magical as the first time, and Donghyuck thinks it’s a crime that he’s not able to feel Renjun’s lips against his own every second of every day. 

They pull back from each other when they both need to catch their breath, and the view Donghyuck has of Renjun is nothing short of breathtaking. The window at the end of their room has no blinds, and the moonlight is illuminating the room and Renjun’s skin. Renjun’s eyes seem to be twinkling like stars in the light, and the tiny brunette boy smiles tiredly at him before connecting their hands and giving Donghyuck’s hand a gentle kiss. After that, Donghyuck turns back around and he’s back to being the little spoon. He smiles to himself when Renjun kisses the top of his head, and he closes his eyes in a state of sleepiness and true bliss. 

The current situation was delicate. 

It truly was.

**Author's Note:**

> i really hope you enjoyed the story!!!! it was so fun to write after so long again. thank you for reading <3


End file.
